all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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