piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
