When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
