The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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