The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My cat gives me a boner
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
