i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
