my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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