Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
