We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
