To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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