wakey wakey hands off snakey
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
