just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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