I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
