umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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