I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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