if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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