yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
