You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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