I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
