dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
