I just made out with a guy for $7.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
