i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
