i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Please don't give away my fajitas
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
