i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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