On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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