I feel great
I just peed on a car
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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