im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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