"it" just moved
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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