How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
