he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
