My liver just broke up with me...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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