I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
