Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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