He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know her cup size but not her name....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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