It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
