I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
