Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my sisters under your porch take her home
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
