sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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