are you still at the devil's house?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
