Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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