I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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