yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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