new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
