my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
