The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
