For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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