Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
