Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
