he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
