Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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