I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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