I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
