he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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