Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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